Candid Camera
by ChocolateVodka
Summary: Kagome, fed up with having to deal with Inuyasha's moaning everytime she goes home decides to get a little revenge when she happens to get a camera phone for her "un birthday". Oh...blackmail can be so sweet...
1. I'm going home!

Candid Camera

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha, or any of the characters therein. It kinda sucks. But what can ya do. Just please don't sue. I'm poor.

Chapter 1: I'm going home!

What a glorious morning in Sengoku Jidai! The birds are singing their heavenly tune. Bees are buzzing about. The sky is a gorgeous blue. The grass is a luscious green. A certain dog eared hanyou about to have an intimate encounter with said luscious green grass…

"SIT BOY!"

Thud

"BITCH!"

…glorious morning indeed. Feh!

'Hmph. Serves you right jerk' Kagome fumed. Side stepping the hanyou sized crater, and picking up her disgustingly colored mustard yellow backpack chalk full of futuristic goodness. Well, it had been until a certain moron that was currently twitching in the ground that shall remain nameless 'grrrrr' decided to inhale and/or destroy any and everything of importance. Hence the ground twitchiness and fuming miko stalking towards the Bone Eater's Well.

"For once!" She grumbled, "I'd like to be full of something besides anger when I decide to go home for a few days! It's like freakin' clockwork. I wanna go home and salvage what's left of my meager life. He yells. I run. He yells some more. I break his back, and end up leaving anyway. Talk about a broken record!"

muffled cursing from the hanyou shaped dent in the ground Something that sounded suspiciously like the words 'stupid' and 'bitch'. Her eyes narrowed…and instead of the typical 'sit him to hell' response, she stalks to the well faster and with much more force than necessary.

"I'M GOING HOME FOR ONE DAY INUYASHA! AND YOU'D BETTER NOT FOLLOW ME OR I'LL SIT thud YOU ALL THE WAY TO AMERICA!"

Said hanyou, done eating his VERY unwanted dirt sandwich with a side of worms, finally managed to pull himself out of his shallow grave and gave chase after his shard detector, slinging excuses at her all the while.

"Wench! We don't have time for this!" He grumped, "If you haven't noticed, there are still shards out there to collect. You know, of the jewel that YOU broke."

She twitched, but kept a steady um…stomp til she reached the edge of the well. Her back to Inuyasha. Fingers gripping the wood almost painfully. Her usually sunny disposition darkening with every word he very carelessly (and very stupidly) spoke. Amazing. You'd think he'd know when to shut up by now.

Obviously, those extremely short, extremely painful trips to the ground rattled what brain cells he had left.

Kami! Is he still talking? "You just had to not give me the jewel like I told ya to in the first place! And look what happened! It's been two years and we still don't have all the shards! Hell Naraku has most of them! Good thing Miroku and Sango had the sense to go on ahead and chase that rumor. Otherwise we'd never get anywhere!"

She sighed. Her anger subsiding slightly. Her grip on the poor well loosening. She really did feel like a burden most of the time. Holding everyone up. 'Maybe I should stay a few extra days and help them look.' Her head fell. 'Inuyasha's right anyway. It is my fault the jewel is broken. At least he didn't mention Kikyo this time.'

"Kikyo would never shirk her duties like you do!"

'Spoke too soon'

Anger flooding back with a vengeance, Kagome slowly turned to face the half demon.

Inuyasha paled. 'Oh crap!' He internally wailed. 'She gonna sit me into next week!' Open mouth. Insert foot.

She fixed him with the deadliest glare known to man. Scowl firmly in place and blue eyes crackling with malicious intent towards his person. Not even Sesshoumaru could stand up to THAT. Weren't mikos supposed to be pure and nice?

She took and menacing step forward.

He swears up and down he didn't flinch.

Kagome vaguely considered purifying him into the next life, but thought better of it. Suddenly her face became as calm as the ocean. She stared blankly at the hanyou.

And stared.

…

And stared.

…

And stared some more.

Quite frankly, all this staring was starting to unnerve him.

Oh hell, he was scared to death! Like pee pee in your pants scared. CHOCK FULL of FULLNESS. And that's not a "good full". You know the kind of full, like "my bladder is full and there's no rest stop for miles" Full. Not the "I've never had this much sex in my life" kind of full. Because that kind of full he could live with! In fact, the way Kagome was standing with that short green skirt…

Gah! Off the subject much?

Kagome, still staring blankly.

Check.

Inuyasha cowering in fear but trying desperately not to look like he was.

Check.

Suspicious snickering coming from the vicinity of the disgustingly colored mustard yellow backpack on Kagome's back.

Chec…huh?

…?

Both of them pretending not to hear it for the sake of their sanity.

Check.

Kagome, tired of staring and in serious need of a blink, realized that she was wasting precious time scaring the hanyou witless and decided with smug satisfaction that the puddle of…moisture at his feet was enough to smooth her ruffled feathers.

She smiled suddenly, picked up her back pack and straddled the well.

Inuyasha blinked and stood up straight. Heedless that he had made a "mess" of himself, and in too much shock to care.. That's it? Woohoo! He was saved!

"Sit Boy!"

Thud

"Gak!"

Smiling even more widely than before, a now cheerful Kagome jumped down into the well. Leaving the poor hanyou with a broken back.

"See you tomorrow Inuyasha!" She yelled before disappearing completely into the future.

He just whimpered.

Well, that's it so far. Tell me what you think? I know you're probably still wondering where the title of this particular fic comes in. Well, all with be explained in the next chapter! But I would LOVE to have some feedback to know that someone's interested in this dibble I wrote.

R&R Onegai!


	2. But it's not my birthday

Well, now that I've gotten most of my crazy ramblings out of the way trying to figure out how to start the story, I'm ready to actually well…start the story. Or finish it.

I think. Anyway, I apologize for the grammatical errors in the first chapter. I was kinda giddy and didn't bother to proofread. So I'm very sorry about that. And sorry for future errors since I'm positive I won't be checking this one either. I'm a loser like that, and I'm pretty much just making this stuff up as I go along, so bear with me ok?

Ok Then!

Oh! And thank you for the wonderful reviews! I really appreciate them! hugs

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine. He never belonged to me. It's not fair…wah. Please don't kill, maim, or sue me. I'm really really poor, and I bruise like a starved gorilla with hemophilia.

Chapter 2: But it isn't my birthday…

It's a BEAUTIFUL day in Tokyo! The birds are squawking (hacking…same thing). Bees are sputtering out the last buzzes of life. The sky is so grey and cloudy (Smog much?) as big fat Buyo like drops splattered against where there should be luscious green grass. But now there's lovely concrete. So nice and cracked and…oh who the hell am I kidding? It's raining, smoggy, and all around miserable in present day Tokyo. Bah Humbug I say…

Kagome quirks an eyebrow from the bottom of the well. That abomination of a back pack looking suspiciously amused (How the hell did it manage that?).

"Was that a self insertion Choco?"

**Growl You do realize I could make you Hojo's love slave…**

Kagome cowers "Oh mighty Choco Goddess who doth give life and a Hojoless existence!" More groveling "I offer many thanks and lots of chicken of the fried variety. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD! PLEASE DON'T SET ME UP WITH THAT-"

**Oh shut the front door! You're in luck. I'm feeling benevolent today. **

Kagome perks up…still at the bottom of the well…and is promptly knocked on her butt by some er "unknown force". Really. I have no idea who would do such a thing…

The fugly…yeah FUGLY rotten banana looking backpack snickered.

"And again, pretending I heard nothing!" Kagome nodded resolutely as she pushed herself to her feet, grabbing that yellow monstrosity, and proceeded to climb out of the well without further SUBLIME interference.

"Amen to that" she muttered.

**Glare**

Moving on…

Heading outside was possibly the worse thing to do at the moment since it was raining cats and dogs outside. Well, Buyo's anyway. Which is practically the same thing since he's a cat the looks like he's eaten quite a few dogs in his day.

Or a horse.

Whatever.

But Kagome reasoned she would be better off heading to the house where she could dry off and lose the hideous lemon looking bag that seems to have gained ten pounds for no apparent reason.

Imagine that.

So, she trudged through the rain and made it to the house in record time. But ended up looking like a drowned rat for her troubles. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kicking off her shoes and throwing the creepy Heero Yuy reject sneaker colored backpack out of sight, Kagome proceeded to head towards the stairs. Hoping that no one was home so she could just take a hot shower and sleep her troubles away.

'Ah. Wouldn't that be nice' She sighed dreamily. Looking like a drowned rat with a really stupid expression on her face. What a weirdo.

Sadly though, that was not meant to be. As she turned into the kitchen (for in my demented little world the stairs are past the kitchen) groping for the light, she was suddenly bombarded with her family standing in front of her with cake and effectively blocking her escape to freedom known as the stairs. All the while wearing stupid grins on their faces.

Hm.

Must be hereditary…

"Surprise!" They all screamed. Souta all but shoving the cake in Kagome's face.

Wide eyed, she just stood there for a second. 'What the bloody hell is going on here?' she screamed in her head. She would never be so rude as to say that out loud. This was her family for goodness sake. 'I have to calm down and try to make my mouth say actual words. That's right Kags. Be cool.'

"What the bloody hell is going on here?"

Oh. Real smooth.

Mrs. Higurashi chuckled as she sat gently guided Kagome to chair at the kitchen table, and plopped her into the seat. Then motioned for Souta and Grandpa to do the same. Yeah…the old man's there too. He's just so short you miss him sometimes.

"We wanted to do something nice for you dear" Mrs. Higurashi stated "We miss you when you're away. It's nice to have you back sometimes so we can spend some time together."

"Yeah! We even got you a present!" Souta exclaimed.

Kagome sputtered. Looking at her family incredulously. "But it's not my birthday"

"Oh, who cares!" Grandpa grumped. Shattering his incredible impression of a lawn gnome, "Here ya go! It's a demon spider leg! It cures some kind of thing a ma bob or another. I don't really know for sure. I told your friends you had Ebola by the way"

Kagome twitched.

"Uh…thanks? I think I'll keep it with all the other 'special' things you give me."

In other words…

The trash.

When he's not looking of course.

'Gee what a great present. You shouldn't have…' Can we say sarcasm?

"Oh dad!" Mrs. Higurashi laughed at her daughter's scandalous expression, "Go cast out demons or whatever it is you think you do some where ok?" Grandpa grumbled something about kids having no respect and pretty much having a Rodney Dangerfield moment and walked away. Souta, getting bored, ran upstairs to play video games. I mean really? What did he care?

Mrs. Higurashi pulled something out of her pocket, and handed it to Kagome.

"This is your real present. I hope you enjoy it"

Kagome gasped in wonder. 'Oh My God! I can't believe it! Mom got me a camera phone!' She smiled. Genuinely grateful…I think.

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!" She jumped up and hugged her mom (Oh. She is grateful. Never mind then). Then ran upstairs to her room and started fiddling with the piece of machinery. All excited and girly. It was quite disgusting really. Now she can call all her friends and…wait.

"Who the hell am I gonna call while I'm in Sengoku jidai?"

She groaned. Oh well. At least she had a phone like a normal teenager. It's all nice and small, and compact and pink and….WHAT?

PINK?

'How did I not notice this before? I hate pink!'

"Great. Not only can I not call anyone but now it's got to look like a bottle of pepto bismol to boot? So not fair"

She sighed and flopped down on her bed.

"I guess there's really only one upside to this. It does have a camera. Heh, I could just see Inuyasha's face when I take candid pictures of him. Oh what fun! Oh…eheh. Fun?"

Then Kagome got an idea. She got a deliciously evil idea. Kagome got a deliciously evil awful idea complete with Grinchy smirk and maniacal laughter resounding in the background.

"Excellent" She whispered. Doing a disturbingly accurate impression of Mr.Burns. It was really quite frightening, but strangely appropriate. Eh.

Later that night, being showered and in her jammies, Kagome lay in her bed thinking of her evil intentions towards a certain silver haired hanyou who had been breathing down her neck way too much lately for her tastes.

"Oh sweet sweet revenge. I can taste ye already."

**Ye?**

Glare "Quiet you"

**Feh.**

"Speaking of that demon, I wonder how Inuyasha's doing?"

_Back in Sengoku Jidai_

Still in the hanyou shaped crater…

Inuyasha attempted to get up only to …crack "GAH!" Hurt himself even more.

Whimpering to himself, "Next time, I'll just write her a letter when she wants to leave"

* * *

And that's the end of chapter 2. Hope is was ok. I think I lagged a little bit, but hopefully it didn't suck too much. Anyway, more to come. Plotting Inuyasha's demise and all that. It's hard work.

Anyway, I enjoy the reviews. Thanks again for being such nice reviewers!

ChocoVod


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